I've been struggling with this new drug called Topamax. It's primarily marketed for migraines (which I have), but some Fibro patients have found relief with it because of it's nerve blocking capabilities. Well, I can get to 50mgs, but at 75mgs I start to, and I'm not kidding, lose my mind. I swear it exacerbates my depression and anxiety, plus it throws me into some crazy ass, scary mood swings. These past two weeks have been a nightmare. Why haven't I just dropped the drug all together? Well, I have been able to cut back on my Imitrex use and my biceps have felt better. It's helping, but at what cost...

So, I visited my PCP yesterday to discuss the situation. He said simply to back it down to 50mgs and enjoy what benefit I can get from that. I am on so many drugs that effect my brain that maybe this is just the one that just pushes me too far. If I can maintain 50mgs and get some benefit then leave it at that. If the psychological issues ramp up again we may need to back off on this drug again.

Why all the focus on this drug? Well, it's the only thing I've changed in my regimine lately. I started it back in November, but I didn't increase to 75mgs until Jan. 22 (the day I had an appt with my Rheumy). My Rheumy said you could go as high as 200mgs and why not bump it up. Well, next appointment I'll have to give her the bad news that I think this drug isn't going to be my save all and 50mgs is probably the highest I can go.

Now, I have to admit, I have been feeling more depressed since September with all this SSD review going on (who wouldn't). It's stressful and almost more then I can handle right now. So, when this whole drug increase came into play these past two weeks it's like I was falling off into the deep, dark end of nowhere land. I still don't feel good right now. I don't know how long it's going to take to get this extra dosage out of my system, but hopefully, I can resume some sort of normal status - my "normal" status - once things level out again.

I've also made the decision to get myself back into therapy and have my first visit on Valentine's day, of all days. I figured it isn't going to hurt to talk to someone, especially when I tend to keep things to myself. I have great support with my family and bf, but I just can't unload on them all the time. It has to get old at some point, wouldn't it?